A little bit of eye crossing and deep breaths...

Today was, regrettably, a very "autism" day and a little trying on the nerves. Ainslee was self-absorbed more than usual today and I had to whip out the pictures for breakfast and dinner. Most of her language was repetitive, she had a couple small fits, hard time following directions, and more stubborn than usual. Very hard to reach today. Dinner was also a battle. I don't know what's up but I can only chalk it up to "one of those days." I mean all people, in general, don't always have a perfect day, why should she? I'm not holding it against her but I'm also not going to say that my eyes didn't cross a couple times and that I wasn't frustrated at times. It makes me feel guilty and like a bad mom but, I mean, it happens I suppose.

On a bright note, tonight when I initially asked her what she wanted for dinner, she answered me for the first time ever....appropriately. Usually I have to give her a choice of two pictures or verbal choices, or I just have to pick for her. Tonight when she came to me and said, "time to eat" I replied with, "what do you want to eat?" She then replied "want eat fish sticks."

Also, I started reading a book today entitled Autism By Hand by Lorca Damon. You should look it up on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Autism-By-Hand-Lorca-Damon/dp/1467981567/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388541269&sr=8-1&keywords=autism+by+hand. I started it at about 3PM today and only have 5 chapters left and the chapters go by quickly. I'm able to relate to it so... I love it.

Happy New Year! Hope you have a happy and safe one!

New Year Goal

So, I'm not one to make New Year's resolutions. Is it because I don't believe in them? Not really. Is it because I usually fail at keeping them? Sadly, yes. This year I plan to not make a resoluation but I do plan to try to keep track of the lightning fast pace at which my Sweet Ainslee is growing up and of the progress she is making. I am amazed and beyond appreciative of all of the work that her team at Chukker Creek have done with her: preschool teacher and aides, Autism Academy lead and therapists, her speech therapist, and her OT. While she got therapy this summer, I didn't really start to see intense or constant therapy until she started school (but I'm not knocking the summer therapies nor do I plan to keep them away; she will get speech and OT this summer). She is making such progress, doing so much more socially than she ever was, and just blossoming daily and right before my very eyes. I am very proud of her and that trumps any of the worries that I have. I often feel guilty for having worries about that sweet brilliant little girl but, alas, I guess that's something that is inevitable when you have a child with a disability, regardless of the level of functioning. The worries are not selfish worries but worries of her happiness and wellbeing. Will she make friends? Will she get bullied? Will she do okay in school? Will she be happy? Is she happy? I think the latter is a "yes" but I just wonder and worry. I just want my sweet child to be happy, well loved, to feel confident and, sadly, I worry that she can have these things but not without some struggles and frustration along the way. As much as I shelter and try to help her, I can't stop any struggles or frustration from knocking her down but I can try to help her work through them. I love this child more than I ever knew possible, autism and all, and I'm not ashamed of it in the least.

So, in short, my goal is to try to keep up with Ainslee and blog with her daily (if not at least 3 times per week and both days on the weekend). It's a goal I've have set and if I don't meet that, I'll try not to sweat it but I will try to keep up with it.

A great thing that she did today was, while watching the "Dance" episode of Yo Gabba Gabba, I held my hand out and asked her to dance with me during a song they were playing. She took my hand, stood up, and in her own way, danced with me for a few seconds. :) This is huge and I was and still am elated! Love that girl!